tara you missed a few (types of kisses)

kill me kisses
hurt me kisses
fuck me kisses
fuck you kisses
quiet kisses
loud kisses
church kisses
disney kisses
prince charming kisses
break the spell kisses
2AM kisses
3AM kisses

lovesong kisses
nobody's home kisses
catch me kisses
caught me kisses
front porch kisses
kitchen counter kisses
spiderman kisses
butterfly kisses
underwater kisses
hungry kisses
sweaty kisses
salty kisses
sugary kisses

broken sprinkler kisses
broken marriage kisses
violent kisses
bloody lip kisses
they're watching kisses
don't leave me kisses
lonely kisses
yes kisses
no kisses
true aggie kisses

clean sheets kisses
dirty sheets kisses
car playlist kisses
cardboard kisses
ashtray kisses
storytelling kisses
apologetic kisses
forgiving kisses
you're wrong kisses
thankful kisses
lights out kisses
lights on kisses
electric kisses
naughty kisses
porno kisses

damned kisses
rip me apart kisses
fragile kisses
china doll kisses
tip toe kisses
slow dance kisses
football field kisses

back seat kisses
don't tell your mother kisses
leave your shoes on kisses
take your shoes off kisses
sandpaper kisses
wet kisses
shitty kisses
regretful kisses
manipulative kisses
i want your $ kisses
endure to the end kisses
hood of your car kisses
hood of their car kisses
caught in the headlights kisses

kiss me
kiss you
kiss him
kiss her
kiss them
kiss us
kiss kiss kiss

this is the part

this is the part of me that needs medication
the part of me that sees handprints as god's missed calls
and my heart as another thing god got wrong

this is the part of me that never picked up the phone
because i was ashamed
and words were a noose around my neck
and memories were stained on my sheets
like blood

this is the part of me that sings
but not on my birthday
and talks to your bones instead of your brain
because hard hears truth better than soft

this is the part of me that counts calories as sin
and woke up in a hospital
and cried because i lived

this is the part of me that shaved my head
and doesn't shave my legs
the same nightmare that slips in every night
like a whore into my bed
and i can't forgive my father

this is the part of me that sees his fist on every hand
the part of me that likes boys
the part of me that likes girls
the part that hears god
but can't find his voice
and my ears are ringing

this is the part of me that lies
and disappoints my therapist
the part of me that tells the truth
and disappoints my mother

this is this part of me
that part of me
this part of me
that part of me

please don't take my body
it's just going to disappoint you

sin's nothing but another grass stain
and he's just another middle finger on the shelving
and he's the beating chest under the floorboards
and he's another skeleton in the closet
and he's a string tied around my finger
and he reminds me of six times ten

this is the part of me that can't light a candle
without the want eating up my sides

falling down the stairs was another stamp added to the collection
and he licked the envelope just to end the chapter
but no matter how many pills she swallowed she couldn't end the book

and his face was just another melting on the sidewalk
so she cut herself just to watch herself bleed

one drop two drops three drops
one drop two drops three drops
one drop two drops three drops

and you watched her like she was an emo barbie

she fucks
and she watches porn
she fucks
and she watches porn
and she watches
and she watches porn

and she wonders sometimes if she's going to hell

be nice to her
she slept in her car last night
be nice to her
her legs are stained with blue
and her fists told the story
be nice to her
her heart doesn't beat the same anymore
be nice to her
she can't hear her bones
be nice to her
she hates herself enough
be nice to her
be nice to her
be nice to her

she missed her medication this morning

hair

she cut her hair.

she dropped the dishes one by one
and she heard the music of the floorboards
and she screamed to know she was heard too
and

she cut her hair.

she posted depressing statuses to facebook
and she didn't wear any color anymore
but her whole body read blue blue blue
and

she cut her hair.

she sat in the 800 hall for lunch
and there were rumors she'd been sent away
but if you asked her, she'd tell you herself
and

she cut her hair.

her hair was cut.

she cut it.

she breathed it in
and it filled her stomach
better than cotton.

and you saw
but you didn't see

and you smiled
without your eyes

and she noticed.
before you did.

you saw the headline
but you didn't read the paper

you saw the notification
but you didn't check your voicemail

you saw the movie
but you didn't read the book

you listened to the song
but you didn't hear the lyrics

you saw hair.
you saw it.

sometimes the monsters under our bed sit us down for heart-to-hearts

sometimes i wonder if we sing songs because we're afraid
or because we're not afraid
or if we sing songs to put the birds to sleep

once you left
i read
and read
and reread
wanting the pages to fill me
the way you did

there are a thousand paper days
hands are too far away for holding
and the playing cards can't be shuffled any easier
than your broken-hearted love

this is for the june we didn't eat enough
and the lip service that makes your jaw ache
and the music that is too loud for coffee shops

the walls are white
and the world is hopeless

sometimes scarves look like nooses
and fists are made for skin
the big bad wolf is at your door
and you decide to let him in

the bible has torn pages
and your bed is left unmade
three months broke your heart
and it's her you couldn't save

you're too tired to fall asleep
and the world is hopeless

the list is getting longer
and the pantry has stale bread
your head is getting heavy
as you remember what they said

i'm shutting all the windows
and keeping out the light
i'm not answering my phone
i've given up the fight

your heart is broken by a girl
and the world is hopeless

i'm stitching my feet to the carpet
there's a lead weight on my tongue
my heart's a cold ocean
but the knots are left undone

the walls are white
and the world is hopeless

the walls are white
and the world is hopeless