don't ask my legs to love you

here's another shot of vodka to forgetting your name
and there's another clean slate that was your girlfriend
one more to forget i'm not her
and another three to kill the words "i shouldn't be drinking"

and you were never sorry
you were just bloodstained
you were just broken
and you thought that was the same thing
but it wasn't

it doesn't matter if the smoke of broken promises
overpowers the salt in our soup
i always preferred the smoked beef jerky over original
when mama took us on road trips
and i couldn't pluck "finding nemo" out of my eyebrows
and daddy stayed home to work his nine to five job

all i'm saying is it hurts we aren't on speaking terms
because the last time we weren't
our lips were too preoccupied with each other's
to say much anyway

i'm lightheaded
and there's nothing romantic about it
i'm lightheaded
because this is what an eating disorder looks like
you tell me he's currently unemployed
but you haven't looked up his record recently
i don't have to look emaciated
skeletal
a Holocaust victim
in order to prove that i'm walking dead

and you don't think you're asking a lot
when you ask my legs to love you
but you don't know my legs walked miles to the beat of yesterday
because they were in love with my ears
and my ears were in love with you

you don't know how many nights they stayed up
and shook for your phone calls
because even my heart had gotten attached by that point
but my legs
my legs were the only ones who weren't convinced

my ears were in love with you
my skin was in love with you
my heart was drowning in your blood instead of pumping mine
and you

you liked to fuck
you liked to fuck me up and fuck me over
but i didn't care
because at least you were hitting my skin
at least you were shaming me
screaming, "nothing but a whore"
"you are nothing"
but you were bruising me in honest lighting

my ears were mailed to your doorstep
and you got off on my blood on the knife
i will file your fingernails with a cheese grater
and bury your skull in the backyard next to my dead hamster
i will skin you and wear you
damn i always thought we'd suffocate together

sometimes i wonder why we can't even agree on a mixtape
or the color of the sky just before it softens into rain
and then i think god was trying to tell me something
before we got so far as to pick out baby names

i'm just a girl
i'm just a girl who makes promises to both god and the devil she can't keep
i'm just a girl
but i will pull my eyes out of their sockets so you'll remember their stain of blue
i should have mailed you my red hair in the sink
because pictures are worth a thousand words, but may be a broken thousand
i am biting off my lips
and i'm drunk on my blood as it tumbles down my throat
i am ripping off my tits

i'm yours
i'm yours
i always have been

cut me open with your pocketknife
my lungs forgot how to breathe any name but yours
just bury me in your garden beneath the roses
so at least i can see arizona realistically

and if you have any doubts
remember every part of me loved you but my left leg