this is the part

this is the part of me that needs medication
the part of me that sees handprints as god's missed calls
and my heart as another thing god got wrong

this is the part of me that never picked up the phone
because i was ashamed
and words were a noose around my neck
and memories were stained on my sheets
like blood

this is the part of me that sings
but not on my birthday
and talks to your bones instead of your brain
because hard hears truth better than soft

this is the part of me that counts calories as sin
and woke up in a hospital
and cried because i lived

this is the part of me that shaved my head
and doesn't shave my legs
the same nightmare that slips in every night
like a whore into my bed
and i can't forgive my father

this is the part of me that sees his fist on every hand
the part of me that likes boys
the part of me that likes girls
the part that hears god
but can't find his voice
and my ears are ringing

this is the part of me that lies
and disappoints my therapist
the part of me that tells the truth
and disappoints my mother

this is this part of me
that part of me
this part of me
that part of me

please don't take my body
it's just going to disappoint you

sin's nothing but another grass stain
and he's just another middle finger on the shelving
and he's the beating chest under the floorboards
and he's another skeleton in the closet
and he's a string tied around my finger
and he reminds me of six times ten

this is the part of me that can't light a candle
without the want eating up my sides

falling down the stairs was another stamp added to the collection
and he licked the envelope just to end the chapter
but no matter how many pills she swallowed she couldn't end the book

and his face was just another melting on the sidewalk
so she cut herself just to watch herself bleed

one drop two drops three drops
one drop two drops three drops
one drop two drops three drops

and you watched her like she was an emo barbie

she fucks
and she watches porn
she fucks
and she watches porn
and she watches
and she watches porn

and she wonders sometimes if she's going to hell

be nice to her
she slept in her car last night
be nice to her
her legs are stained with blue
and her fists told the story
be nice to her
her heart doesn't beat the same anymore
be nice to her
she can't hear her bones
be nice to her
she hates herself enough
be nice to her
be nice to her
be nice to her

she missed her medication this morning