suicide pacts and divorce papers

mama told me we are all spinning starfish
we are all breathing in those colored bubbles
we are all white and black and blue and yellow
god help the caucasians 'cause they sunburn worst of all

but she chokes on the word "god"
and the truth spills out like vomit

god is dead
he killed himself

he couldn't handle the responsibility of all the phone calls
3:57 AM mountain time
3:57 AM and seventeen seconds
seventeen
seventeen seconds
he especially hated all those fucking prime numbers
one
three
five
seven
eleven
thirteen
seventeen
nineteen
twenty-three
twenty-seven
twenty-nine

and every time he looked at his phone he saw the number of voicemails
so he threw his phone as far as he could into a lake
and it was so deep
and so blue
that he almost felt better

but he didn't

he thought of you
yeah, you
kept reminding you
that you were a character in a book he was writing
and you weren't the book
you were the CHARACTER
in a CHAPTER

he referred to the bible as one of his bestsellers
so you looked
but you didn't like his writing style
and you didn't think you were strong enough to be a good character
and JESUS WAS CRUCIFIED, for christ's sake

you didn't like his plans for character development
or how every story has to have a problem
goddamnit
and he was tired of telling you over
and over
and over again
and he didn't like writing anymore if he had to argue with his characters
and so he killed himself

and i should be sad
but i feel like it's the only time i've been able to relate with god

i wish i could tell you i've been doing well in college mom
i wish i could tell you i don't want to die anymore
and death and i aren't on speaking terms
but we argue quite frequently dad
and life and i are the estranged married couple
and i'm cheating on life with death
and she knows it

sometimes she makes me sleep on the couch
but she doesn't dare bring out the divorce papers
she makes me a pot of coffee when i walk in the door
and she kisses me on the cheek
but her heart's not in it

i ask her about the kids
and she asks me about the boss
but we don't tell each other shit
and we haven't slept together in months

so my wife, she goes to my mom for advice
prob'ly cryin' on the phone
too scared to mention the sex
and my mom invites me to lunch
she's a good woman
stages a fuckin' intervention, y'know
and this is where i hear about god killin' himself

and soon i'm screamin'

JUST BURY ME NAKED
PLANT MY BONES UNDER THE CONCRETE
I DON'T WANT A FUCKIN' HEADSTONE
WATCH 'EM GROW
WATCH 'EM GROW