and I'm tired of fighting about whether Ed's voice is in my head or my legs
and yes, I'm wired to think of suicide, black or white, wrong or right every time the fit's too tight.
Seeing options when my nose is in the corner- it's a new therapy goal. I'm getting better, I swear.
Send me a muse.
I have a draft full of political post ideas, but change isn't as adept at handpicking his words. The devil was born with a pen in his hand.
I'm sick of typing about my failed religion
and this blog no longer epitomizes what happened when our lips locked.
The scars on my heart have faded and I promise you'll remember less and less of what happened after dark. I thought that seventeen year old boys held my heart in the crook of their elbow but they fumbled before they made the touchdown. I trudged back to the practice field last fall and poked among the nostalgia, skinned knees, uprooted grass, and other lonely hearts. Then I broke open my rib cage and shoved it back inside because I forgot what it felt like to feel whole.
I'm tired of half-attempts at sad-happy posts.
The pen's tried
and the ink's dried
and the world is spinning
but the hopefuls aren't winning.
Just carve one more initial into my bone, dear.
I won't remember.
you know those posts that you just feel? yeah.
ReplyDeleteand by feel, I mean, it's like you shoved your words into my ribcage or something. it's just magnificent, how you phrase things to fill my whole heart up.
DeleteI'll never get over your writing. You are incredible.
ReplyDelete"Then I broke open my rib cage and shoved it back inside because I forgot what it felt like to feel whole."
Like, there's a reason you're pretty much famous in the Alpine/Highland/Cedar Hills poetry community (that makes it sound lame, but you're actually really cool). Also, I just realized that our mutual shitty texting habits have taken over once again, but we should hang out one of these days when you're done with finals or whatever :)
(also, that line that I quoted reminds me of "Fireshrine". I PROMISE I DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE THAT CONNECTION MAYBE I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT PURITY RING WHEN I CLICKED ON YOUR BLOG BC OF OBVIOUS REASONS AND RIB CAGES AND I'M JUST REALL Y EXCITED)
Okay. So. Story time. (I wasn't sure whether to do this here or reply to your comment on my blog, but I figured you'd actually check this) I was actually going to text you back, like, 3 days ago, but my phone has been refusing to turn on since Monday, and since you deleted your facebook, this is pretty much the only way I can get a hold of you until my phone decides to stop being a dick. But yeah, I miss you, too, and I don't remember what day you wanted to hang out, but it'll probably work since I am pretty much doing nothing with my life right now. I'll text you when my phone is back in commission. I just thought I'd let you know that I'm not ignoring you :)
DeleteI feel awkward commenting on this again, but I got a new phone yesterday and would have texted you had I not lost all my contacts. But yeah, I'd totally be down to hang out whenever. I don't start work until Sunday, so if you're free, just text me :)
DeleteThat last line.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I comment the same things over and over lex but I mean them every time. You're out of my league my dear.
I find it difficult to comment on this. Not because there's nothing to say but so much that I don't know how to say it. That's what something raw and real does I think. Leaves you speechless. I wonder if you're in the valley for the summer. Coffee/open mic/adventure sometime? (I have no idea if you like/drink coffee but it seems like the appropriate phrase-question at the moment). My email's sammytse21@gmail.com, but I'd understand too if it was a nah to the question.
ReplyDelete