happy (not the song)

there's a picture of a teenage boy in my dining room
and even though i'm not very interested in teenage boys
i'm happy

i check out both genders on the daily
and i don't feel as guilty for my (often misinterpreted) bisexuality

i created an okcupid account several days ago
and i'm afraid for the potential ted bundy's just a click away
but mostly i can't tell the difference between resumes, dating profiles, and sexting

there's dents in the walls of my room
and they remind me of the dents in my rib cage
because my heart used to beat against the bars that held it prisoner

but my rib cage grew two inches this spring
and my heart has room to breathe out now

she's accepted her place in the 21st century body project
and now my rib cage is a delicate window pane
but sometimes, like alice, my heart knocks against the glass

there's a b&d burgers in my backyard
and there's a picture of a model with the gyros
and it's not as risque as carl's jr
but it still reminds me that food advertisements are catered to men

i'm a typical freshman with hopes of making a difference
and that's why i'm chasing majors like political science and gender studies
but i'm scared of losing my optimism by senior year
just like high school

i finally threw away the post-it that stated, "evaporation = resurrection"
because my draft about the bible explaining the water cycle
through the creation of a man named jesus is
blasphemous not likely to be understood by the general public

i'm afraid i'm not likely to be understood by the general public

i ordered eleven books from amazon last night
and i'm afraid that i will never be fiscally responsible
because of books, groceries, and urban outfitters

i'm afraid i will never find my mind
because i have a talent for getting lost
even within a five mile radius of my house
and i'm currently on probation due to excessive speeding

i'm trying to tell you that i am happy

and i laugh about the possibility of heaven and hell
and i listen to crystal chvrches' single with robert smith
and i fall asleep every night watching criminal minds
and i have friends who reassure me that the world stretches outside of utah
and i go to school
and i go to school

and i am happy