just like everyone else

this isn't meant to be an apology
but it's more apology than love letter

i heard it's better to swallow your words
than lose the life on your lips
but it's better to open your mouth
than take nine to five
remembered by empty cupboards and sun burnt feet

it didn't work last summer
but i'm hoping we're both different now

i'm scared of you because when i fall
there's no one around to catch me

i have a crush on you
just like everyone else
and i don't know how to tell you i'm different
when i'm just another note scrawled across your wall in pencil
another drunken kiss
another borrowed book
girl in your bed
monday night
kill and run
kiss and tell

i don't visit enough art museums to call myself romantic
and there's too few postcards on my wall
even if I paint my nails
make a rain coat purchase
and invest in a tired camera
i will never play her drums

listen
i like orange lipstick better than pink
she smiled because you brought a faded hope
weighed with expectation and yesterdays
but they're dreams i never had
she never had the heart to call you out on the alcohol in your basement
but i will

the record player on your shelf won't make me a singer
i do not want your last name
i will never clap for the concept of your third tattoo
i don't know how to tell you this
but i look better with the lights off

just tell me you want me
because i see all these signs that you love her

teach me how to bring love into the equation
i promise i won't ever use your comb
and you'll tell me you like my terrible haircut
and i'll forgive the fact that her hair was my same color
and you always liked savannah best

we can't reprint the 50's
even if we change out all the clocks and drown the iPhones in the bathtub
you like your instagram too much
i won't cook dinner every night
i won't curl my hair
and i don't want kids

listen
i'm not gonna make you sound better than you are
or this is gonna go to your head
yes you're handsome
yes you're charming
yes you're artistic
yes you listen
and you wiped the vomit from my mouth with your shirt
but you suck at calling me back
and sometimes i feel like i don't know you
because you just want to laugh

but i want to get to know you
even the bad parts
and i hope you want to get to know me
because i promise there's some good

and i like you
even if i'm not supposed to
and i miss you
even if it's only been a week
and i'm yours
and i don't want to be his anymore
and i want someone who can tell me i'm okay

i'm just like everyone else
i'm just like everyone else

i'm sorry i'm not her
but i don't want to be