a list of things i am afraid of

• alphabet soup.
• animal shelter advertisements.
• the name "abcde." pronounced like a smoother version of abs city.
• the fact that i will probably name my kid something far out (i'm thinking viva. how sick would that be? viva).
• buttered bread.
• unbuttered bread.
• barbies and disney princesses.
• being the date with half her side forgotten from the group picture.
• cat hair.
• dialectics.
• double thinking.
• double zeros.
• disappointing my therapist.
• dropping out of college.
• that i want to drop out of college.
• dying too early.
• dying too late.
• energy drinks.
• exclamation points!!!
• eating too much.
• not eating enough.
• fire alarms.
• four espresso shots.
• flax seeds.
• forgetting to grow up.
• forgetting to get a job.
• forgiveness.
• forgetting to fall in love.
• forgetting how to fall in love.
• falling in love with another writer.
• getting really mad and killing my sister.
• gradients.
• grandparents.
• graphing on excel.
• the fact that i can't graph on excel.
• hurricanes.
• my heart.
• he who owns my heart.
• iceland.
• going back to inpatient.
• that i probably need to go back to inpatient.
• jail (duh).
• jelly (or jam). whichever one doesn't have seeds.
• jalopenos.
• jack-o-lanterns with funny faces.
• jerry jones and the dallas cowboys and their 6-1 record.
• not being able to watch football in heaven.
• words spelled with "k" that should be spelled with the letter "c" instead.
• light up frisbees.
• life.
• lies.
• liars.
• that i'm a liar.
• mcdonald's meat.
• meeting alpine, utah.
• moving on.
• not being able to move on.
• mother nature.
• macklemore (i dig his style though).
• neutrality (maybe that's why i don't like switzerland).
• nuclear bombs.
• utah state getting bombed.
• never playing tennis again.
• that i never want to play tennis again.
• having nowhere to go on thanksgiving.
• going home for thanksgiving.
• not enough.
• too many.
• oppression.
• operations.
• tongue twisters.
• out of breath.
• picking up the phone.
• pocket dialing andrew from my music class.
• petting zoos with bears (there's one in logan, not kidding).
• never living up to my potential.
• that this is my potential.
• q-tips breaking my ear drums.
• rust.
• razors.
• rusty razors.
• ryan gosling.
• spicy foods.
• switzerland (i'm sure the swiss are nice people).
• sex.
• never having sex.
• having too much sex.
• liking porn too much.
• shaving.
• snapchat.
• saying sorry.
• sharing.
• suffocating.
• tomorrow.
• time.
• too little time.
• talking too much (fuck it).
• television.
• unhappy birthdays.
• utility bills.
• 37.
• underage drinking.
• uni.
• the voice tv show.
• william wilson.
• william it was really nothing.
• winter.
• xboxes.
• xenophobia
• names that start with x like xinhua and xavier (is xinhua even a name? it showed up thanks to autocorrect).
• "y," the last letter in the word mercy, pounding it out on the keyboard relentlessly.
• yiddish.
• zombies.
• never finding my zen.
• zits.
• canadians calling the letter "z" zed.
• zero gravity.
• zero friends.
• zero.
• zero.
• zero.