My lungs are on empty,
my heart beats alone.
Head beneath the black water,
sinking like a stone.
I pull out pink hair and false teeth.
A couple drinks accept me:
I lose the rings around your eyes,
God's the playlist of my cries.
My ankles kiss and I'm poetic again,
my head bangs the wall and I'm depressed again.
Not breaking stereotypes,
black and blue taught me how to write.
Black and blue hold me down while I fight,
the shades shut my eyes from the light.
Lips pressed against mine, nice and tight,
Hands pull me open without discussion.
I never asked you to teach me how.
My name is not a broken vow,
not a mouthful of mumbled vowels.
My name is not I'm better now.
Fuck those who stand and take a bow.
Fuck those who sing white, holier than thou.
The darkness only let me down
The doors, they only let me pound.
The cold, she never left the ground.
The devil never wore a crown.
Neverland wouldn't let herself be found,
Peter Pan didn't let me hang around.
I talked too grown up for a kid,
and fairy dust never gave me reasons to live.
God please a few reasons give,
I'm depressed as hell and I'm only a kid.
Tylenol whispers I shouldn't have lived.
The light hurts my eyes and I wish I had hid.
God please a few reasons give,
I'm selling my soul and I'm only a kid.
This is daunting. It's like how kids grow up on rhymes and so there's something kind of innocent about that but the subject matter of the poem brings something else entirely. I think the title says so so much too.
ReplyDeleteLexi this broke my heart and all at the same time every line was gold. Heavy things are beautiful when I see your words.
ReplyDeleteYeah I can't rhyme like this. This is real poetry
ReplyDeleteLet me be a reason. We miss you at Lone Peak Lexi.
ReplyDeleteI forgot that I was going to comment the first time I read this. But it's... I want to type out beautiful but that isn't the right word. Captivating? Entrancing? Heart-wrenching? I don't even know. You're incredible, though.
ReplyDeleteSide note: We should hang out again, cause I like having you around.
Side note number 2: Did you end up dyeing your hair pink, then? Because you really should.