white.

i painted my face white as god
and my privilege and cynicism couldn't be blacked out.
my skin will never be political
and they will never read understanding from my hands.

"skin color" band aids have always matched my skin color. my baby dolls were made in the image of a god who taught "white is right." everywhere i look, bleach rubs out all the culture. assembly lines pale anything that will stand still long enough, but dr. seuss' star on machine didn't save the sneetches.

uncle sam breathes out white lies, white knuckles turning down his white collar. didn't anybody ever tell him snow doesn't have any flavor? cold numbs your tongue and dulls your senses.

it's the human race, but your god said their skin is cursed. your god said they couldn't hold the priesthood. your god said black is wack and white is tight. it's the human race and we're all sore losers.

i will never have to reassure my children that they are more than their skin. i have never been called a nigger and had to swallow it in. i will never be asked to voice the eyes of my race, i will never be insulted because of stereotypical white ways. media supplies strawberry fields of fame to my sisters and brothers, who claim colorblindness, standing on the others. and congress presents a pretty picture, liberty's a ghost but there's no one to miss her.

i'm exhaling silver smoke in your face because my veins have always been laced with asterisks and immunity. i've sucked birthright from my mother's tits and drank privilege from my father's word choice. there are mirrors i can't face and steps i can't retrace. i tell myself, "at least you peeled open your eyelids, pressed the blue to the dirt." but there are mirrors i can't face and steps i can't retrace.

• i wrote a poem sophomore year about the irrelevance of racism and i quoted seventeen credible sources on the internet.
• i argued against affirmative action in several of my classes junior year, claiming "reverse racism."
• when we were watching a football game together, my grandfather slammed his fist into the desk and shouted, "i cannot take another commercial with a black man!"
• my parents told me i could not date any blacks because our features would not mix well if we chose to have children.
• i have told racist jokes in order to get cheap laughs.  

and sometimes, four espresso shots can't wake them up and four poems can't shake them up and four advil can't make them turn around.

my skin may not be political
my eyes do not shine with experience
but my hands are shaking
and my teeth are showing

white may not be a color
but i am marrying the revolution
i will fall with ferguson's finest
i will paint my chest with uncle sam's blood
i will not be content until the human race is not won by any race

my footprints may be faint,
but my god will find them